Be warned…this one is a long one dreamers. I didn’t intend to write a blog like this for a few more weeks, BUT since the opportunity so graciously presented itself…here we go.
A few weekends ago I went out to celebrate a friend on one of their many accomplishments. Now we all have outings we go to where we feel like we did a little something. We think we’re cute or whatever. We think we might pull a few numbers that night or whatever. I had that kind of feeling. That was what this particular weekend felt like….just a tad. Comments later confirmed it.
Any who, as I was taking a casual stroll across the room, one man child made the comment of “Nice baby” to me. He looked down at my stomach as he said this. Disclaimer #1: I had literally just eaten some food like an hour before so a food child was there. Disclaimer #2: When God made me, he must've skipped over the body section seeing as how I've been this chicken skinny since high school....the only thing you will see stick out on me is my food (which I'm perfectly fine with). Disclaimer #3: While I am from the Chicagoland community my instincts are not. Shocking...I know. Don't tell anyone else that though. So instead of quickly ripping him a new one or entering him into Ki’s next roast session, I instead spent that time processing the comment. Back to the story now…
No, I was not mortified at this comment. No, I did not break down and want to dissolve within myself. I actually instructed him to keep moving as me and my beautifully shaven legs, perfectly clung dress, big hair, and red lips continued across the room to receive my next set of approving compliments. Now here’s the thing though [plot twist]….imagine if I had issues with my self-esteem. Imagine if I was suicidal over something like my body image. What if I had actually lost a child and your comment opened a whole can of hurt that took me months to deal with? Just imagine that for a second. That’s an entirely different situation now isn’t it? Precisely. You never know what things people are fighting so maybe choosing to tread lightly is a great option for us all at times.
With that being said, men…..please don't be this guy. You all don’t even know the half of what we go through so watch how you handle us. It’s hard enough for us out here having to bend, break, flip, and dip to make all of society love what we naturally come with. So unless you’re around here sporting a six pack with the V cut, biceps that look like gun barrels, a fully connected grown man beard, a cologne selection that screams adult with all that and a bag of chips……save your comment. And even if you do have all of that….feel free to make your lips hug one another. If you aren’t encouraging us just choose silence and leave it to someone else who will. That also works.
And women….WOMEN….my loves….we more than anybody know how bad we have it already. We don’t need to hear anything else negative from the very beings designed to understand us. She having a rough day? Flash her a smile. She hate her hair? Help her fix it. She looking rather dressed down? Tell her she’s gorgeous on the go. You beautiful creature you….love your sister with just as much love as you’d appreciate and want for yourself. Don’t be a part of the problem. And to all of my sisters that struggle with body image (all of us)…darling you’re PERFECT! Waiting for society to love you for exactly how you come will only see you to your grave love. Wear what you want, do what you want, be who you want right now! As long as you love yourself, that’s all the approval you need.
Finally, words have staying power and you have the choice to either speak life or death into someone. That’s scripture (in my best friend’s voice). Please let us choose our words wisely. I repeat….you never know the hurt you’re afflicting upon someone. While that guy laughed and apologized shortly afterwards, do you think I found it funny? Of course not! Are you not reading a blog that was inspired by those same “jokingly” said words? Exactly! Keep in mind that this is with me knowing I’m fine guys. Everyone hasn’t been so fortunate to figure that out about themselves yet so choose kindness. Uplift people and if you can’t find it within your heart to do so then do us all a favor…..just shut up and sit down. Maybe someone will pass you the compliment you’ve been needing to hear soon.
Love to all my beautiful and handsome dreamers,
Ki