Dear Bean Heads,
I can still remember when you two were born. I thought our folks were just dead set on ruining any other chance we had left of family vacation. (I was wrong thankfully.) You were the first curveball Bean head #1. I was totally blindsided when you showed up. Our set of three seemed perfect, but I guess our folks wanted a quad soo bad. You were just this cute little, foreign thing. I didn’t understand kids and I still don’t, but you were my first introduction to strangeness. I thought your belly button was mad weird and I didn’t want to touch you because of it actually. Weird…yes. So what. I repeat…you were a foreign thing to me.
Now when you were born Bean head #2, I just knew life as we knew it to be was going to end. When Bean head #1 came, I had already feared for our being able to take family vacations BUT WHEN YOU CAME….I felt that we’d be stuck eating chicken flavored ramen for life! Life! Going to the movies? Unheard of. I was even practicing on how to see that as a thing of the past when you came. It was at that point I figured our folks were too bored and dead set on ending our world forever. It also didn’t help that your birth year marked my entrance into womanhood. Great. So basically, you had no choice but to be my sign for the end of times. The only thing missing honestly was the trumpet sounds and Jesus himself coming back for us all.
Yes….not your average big sister welcome, but boy believe it or not you girls taught me how to love and LOVE HARD.
As you probably noticed growing up, I’m not the most affectionate of your siblings by any means. I could never really figure out how to express my love for you two and it resulted in maybe too little time being spent going to the park, too many nights spent out on my part, or ice cream trips that would call for good old fashioned sibling bonding. In my mind…you guys didn’t need me for that and I never knew I really needed to feel needed in that way. What can I say, I’ve been a thug for a long time. I will say though that life taught me how much I actually did need to know that. However, before that lesson if I would have been anything like a normal older sibling I probably would’ve and should have expressed the fact that I fooled with y’all a little bit more. Since I was not your average older sibling though and you two are well on your way to becoming real life teens I thought I’d spend more time letting you both in on some rare Ki tea whenever I get the chance. *lean close nugget heads*
Here it is……
You two happen to be the biggest reasons for why I go as hard as I do when I do. I push and go after everything I possibly can because I want you all to know that you both can pull out of this world anything you want for yourselves as well.
You are both young now, but I look at the two of you and see the brightest of futures in store. Life comes at you fast and I know that before I fully recognize it…before you two really see it…you’ll both be women. You two will have decisions to make and entire lives to lead. You will be forced to walk gracefully in a world that’ll try to tell you everything from how to dress to how to think. You’ll be forced to feed yourself with a confidence you won’t find in the same place twice. You will need to be encouragement, strength, love, and protection separately and sometimes all at once for yourself and others you care for. You will need to be above and beyond in this life and when that time comes it’s my hope that I’ll be able to help you both find that inner Queen/fearless one within you. Those lost park trips, ice cream truck runs, stifled "love you’s”, and other forms of inaudible adoration I took note of and stored I plan on redeeming with “I’ve been there” , “I understand”, “ how can I help you?”, and “yes, you can and I can show you how”.
Time is flying and now even more than ever I notice that you both pay even more attention to me than you use to. I know you’re watching ever so closely and taking notes. I know you both have front seats to the things your older siblings do. You are seeing this in real time and this is why I’ll never let up on attempting to show you both what all you can do when you apply yourself. I trail blaze for you two young beauties. This is my love.
So here’s to y’all and these wins I know you both will take some day! And here's to my attempt at constantly showing you it's possible.
A constantly inspired and proud dreamer with younger siblings,
Ki