How to Friend Successfully: Bitty Edition

So lately I've been on a friend appreciation journey. In my last blog post I blogged about how to friend for free and if you haven't read it you can check it out here. Now when it comes to my friends I must say that I am fortunate enough to have some good ones in my life and one of them, in my humble opinion, friends so successfully she can probably teach a class on how to keep real ones around you.  So I present to you guys my friend Brittany Bullock, aka the friend keeper. I call her the friend keeper because somehow she manages to hold down a demanding 9 to 5, write content for various publications, run her own travel website and brand, and play brand ambassador for other thriving brands just to name a few things. To learn more about her brand, The Brittany B, and all of the wonderful things she's doing feel free to check out her website here. I want to be sure not to understate the fact that she does all of this while managing to be an awesome friend kind enough to share with us some of her friending secrets. So enjoy!

Q1: I know you keep a crazy busy schedule so what are some creative ways in which you hang out or chose to make time with friends?

I’m lucky that my friends also keep a busy schedule so it makes us all understanding to the fact the time we do spend with one another is important. I appreciate that we can do a mix of things together. Get dressed up and go to a nice dinner or stay in the house and bake cookies. There is a good balance between us. Work sessions are a common thing with us as well. Getting together with our laptops and notebooks to knock out blog posts, editing, client emails, etc. Throw in some wine and we have a party.

Q2: Out of your friend group what friend would you consider yourself to be? Are you the organizer? The go with the flow friend? The chill friend? And how do you use your unique character to better your friendships?

I’m the unpredictable friend. I like to explore and go find new things to do/eat/see so the can count on me for that but I’m also the friend that will just tell someone to get in the car we are taking a mini road trip or hey it’s 2 am. Let’s go to fuel city randomly. I think because I don’t fit in one category or box makes my friendships work. Some days I am a grandma and want to eat snacks while doing facemasks; other days I want to go out and stay out until the sun rises. It depends on my mood.

Q3: What advice would you give to someone looking to step up their level of friendship maintenance?

Be the friend you would want someone to be with you. The smallest things can mean a lot to friends. I randomly will tell my friends how much I appreciate them, how great they are, etc. My Chicago friends that I am really close to I speak with every day. We do devotionals together, send bible scriptures, etc. We take trips with one another, watch shows long distance, discuss albums together. It doesn’t take a lot of effort with us.

Q4: What’s the longest friendship you’ve managed to maintain over the years? What struggles and triumphs have come with that that you had to figure out that successfully kept the friendship intact? (i.e. proposed schedules to talk? etc.)

To be honest it has been hard for me to maintain some relationships. There are times we genuinely outgrow people as well. Seasons last different lengths. One of my friends that I had through college and out of it was like that. We never lived in the same state so would travel to see one another. I honestly had let our friendship fade out and she 100% called me out on it one day and I felt horrible. You need friends that will let you know you aren’t doing what you need to be doing. I made efforts to do better about contacting her. Asking about life. Not because I felt forced but because I cared about our friendship. We are still rocking and rolling after 8 years. We may not talk for one week but I make it a point to make sure there is some type of conversation between us. I will email her randomly. Text and ask her opinion on clothing. Again the small stuff can go a long way.

Q5: Where are some places or what are some things you would recommend to people trying to figure out new ways to hang out with their friends?

CHEAP/CREATIVE FRIEND DATES:

Picnics

Free events (movies in the park, free museum days, grand openings)

In house brunches

Working out together

Photo shoots (for bloggers/creatives this is a life saver)

Ice cream outings

Game Night

Try a new recipe together

Winery tour

Find new areas to explore that are walkable

Bike Riding

Photo Scavenger Hunt

Thrifting

Summertime water balloon fight.

So that's all for me dreamers! I hope this series on friendship is inspiring you to get out there and rekindle those friendships because life is more fun with a great set of friends around you. Honestly. Truly. Stay tuned for more and feel free to comment below with some of the ways you've maintained your friendships!

KT

So I came through a somewhat decent high-school. I know decent is entirely subjective but let's just say....it was a little ways away from an inner city school, but a ways away from the well-off high schools too. Now I don’t know about you, but I've always viewed high school as a critical point in a kid's life. It's like the rite of passage from everything from social acceptance to figuring out how your body works. A lot of the decisions that have to be made during this time are extremely critical and hold the most weight for a young kid because at this point any and everything you do can affect your quickly approaching adult life. Every. Thing. Believe me here lol. For example, I threw the biggest of curve balls in my financial life at the tender “adult” age of 18. A lot of my friends got locked up in high school. Others became kids raising kids all because they "grew up" too fast. A lot of my friends found out the hard way that all those simple suspensions and all that class skipping equated to denied access to college and so forth. So believe me when I say these years are special for you. And this isn't to scare you....it's simply to let you know that the beginning of your adult decisions begin now. Choose wisely.

Now where it applies.....

As I mentioned before that, I figured out I wanted to be an architect at the age of 7. I understand this is something that most won't have figured out by that age, but if you have even the slightest idea by high-school that that's the route you want to go down....I encourage you to stalk that profession! Google it religiously! Check for things like the annual salary in that field, what types of knowledge you should know, try and take applicable classes, and etc. If you have no one around you to look to you can always ask your advisers or teachers. They're actually helpful if you bother them a bit. Take it from the girl that went through high school completely unaware of the related courses I could have taken until my junior year all because I didn't ask. Don't be like me lol. You could even try reaching out to those you admire in the field already because very few things look better to future employers than an ambitious and proactive young person so get to it. I know you can do it!
 

Much love! 

Signed,
The black woman still trying not to be the only Black Aspiring Architect you know

P.S. Feel free to hit me up if you or anyone else you know have questions concerning this field. I'm here to pass on whatever information I have installed on my mind's hard drive. 

Sit at the Table

To be honest there are a lot of times that I want to cower away. I sometimes get a little too comfortable with letting a man speak up for me. I sometimes shy away from flexing my credentials out of fear they might not quite measure up to my peers. I sometimes participate in conversations that make me want to pipe down and dissolve into the closest corner because sometimes I just don't feel smart enough to be in the room. To be at the table.

Professionally, I'm constantly reminded of just how much I don't know and sometimes it sucks. I'll be honest here too. I find myself frustrated at having to do things over and over again because I'm a recovering perfectionist. I hate the fact that there are still moments when I question if I really am the person for the job. I wonder at times, what did college really do for me besides put me in major debt? Here's a fun fact though....if that's you, you are far from alone in having these thoughts. These kinds of thoughts just come by existing really. And a lot of times the quick solution to these kinds of thoughts is to take the easy way out....you know....go quiet, tell yourself you'll come back when you're ready, hang with people who make you look like a stellar human being because....pick me up, among many other cop outs because you're afraid of being uncomfortable, vulnerable, uncertain. I get that. I've done that. I understand.

But,

Today I'm challenging you to do something else. I'm challenging you to realize and embrace every part of who you are and boldly sit at the table.

Ki, what's the table? Glad you asked.

The table is the place where you go and sit in front of everyone in the house then proceed to eat. Yes, I went with the literal meaning. And I'm not talking about sitting at the kids' table either. I'm talking about the table where only the adults sit at on holidays. The table where you have to sit down so assertively that the other seats that be just know you belong there too. You ever see a kid attempt to sit at the adult table real shy like over the holidays? Yea? Don't be that kid. They get so much more attention when they awkwardly try to sit down. Now imagine if that kid would have silently went right up to the table and sat down. Sooner than later....they'd fit right in after a while. I should know....I have successfully introduced myself to the adult table and many of other spots you normally wouldn't find your average 12 year old. *hi fives myself* Here's the point: get to that table. Stay at that table. 

Another courageous table sitting example for you is this, I once had a professor tell me how he landed his first job. He identified a place he wanted to work at and one day he decided to dress in his best professional digs, walk in, and act as if he already belonged there. When asked who he was, he simply replied, "Oh I'm such and such. I'm the new hire. They didn't tell you about me?" Long story short....he got hired for that move alone.

I hope that in both cases, you get my drift. Each day I'm asking you to act as if it's already yours.  Don't ask anybody about whether you can sit, should you sit, where to sit, how to sit, none of that! You just get to that table and stay there because whether you believe it or not you belong at that table with the big timers. You belong in that conversation! You belong at that networking event just as much as anybody else. Own it! Now knowing it's way easier said than done I pray for you courage and tenacity. I pray when people see you they see a person containing a giant inside of them because that is what you are. Go get em champ! And when you do....just make sure you save a spot for the next dreamer to come.

Much love to you dreamers, 
Ki